So for the last few months, I have been unable to post. Emotionally unable and mentally unable. I just haven’t been able to wrap my mind round this blog. For awhile, I couldn’t wrap my mind around anything.

My Daddy, went to be with Jesus in the middle of November. After a long battle with a lung condition that is not well known. He was a very hard working man and providing for his family is how he ended up with this condition. Back in the 1950’s and 1960’s when combines did not have cabs, my Dad and his Dad were custom harvesters.

I think of him everyday. I miss talking to him on the phone about our life, similar to how his teenage and early married life was, being on the road. There will be no one else who understands quite like he did. And when we are home, he won’t be piling in with us to go out to eat or run boring errands with us once or more a week. No more long chats at the kitchen table, just me and him. No more drives to Carthage to eat at his favorite restaurant the Sirloin Stockade.

I think of all the times, the many times, that life was Dad, Mom, and me growing up. All my siblings had left home by the time I was in 1st grade. All the memories, the times of watching late night TV with Dad or making a late night Steak n Shake run. Vacationing in Yellowstone the summer after 2nd grade. We crossed South Dakota and went to the Michel Corn Palace, Murdo Car museum, the Bad Lands, Bear Country, Needles Highway, Custer State Park, Mt Rushmore and on to Yellowstone. Just Dad, Mom, and I. I was the only one at home with older parents. I was not present when my parents were younger and had the other kids. And wild were their adventures. My adventures with Mom and Dad were calmer and quiter. Yes we did take long vacations when I was a child. We ate out a lot. We went to Branson and had a lot of day adventures. Driving all over for their business. Just Dad, Mom, and me. Life was simple. I would not trade it for anything.

It hurts my heart to think of my children not getting to have Papa, in their life any longer on this earth. Of all the precious memories that they do have of Papa. Of Papa always coming to where ever we were around the country, Wyoming, North Dakota… The last time in Kansas, when he showed us so many of his Harvest memories. Going to the Garden City Zoo with him and to Dodge City. Going to Cimmaron two days for those donuts!! And seeing the place in the road where my Grandfather almost lost his life in an accident. Going to Kalvesta and the older gentleman still remembering Dad and grandpa!! Knowing where Grandma shopped.

This spring Dad, when you told me over the phone where our ancestors were buried in different cemetaries. Over the phone when you told me how to light my camper oven for the first time. Talking to you on the phone when I was in North Dakota and needing to dump the black tank for the first time. Always there for me, whether together or thousands of miles apart.

But you did point me to who is there all the time. Not that you were perfect and neither am I. But you knew that we needed Jesus. I remember being a teenager and God placing it on your heart to lead your family in reading God’s word every evening. And we did. You taking me to church services as a teenager, just me and you sometimes.

Daddy, I miss you so!! I don’t know how a new year on the road without talking to you and telling you where we are at every mile of the way, will be. Or you knowing exactly where we are. Or the years ahead. I can’t imagine.

But I would keep you longer, Daddy. Healthy and whole that is. I wouldn’t want you to suffer. I am hanging on to that last big hug goodbye and just as I said the last time I kissed you bye, I will see you in the morning, Daddy.

Love your Baby Girl